Difficulties surrounding a child's name in blended families

In most heterosexual relationships, children still take their father’s surname at birth. That surname cannot be legally changed without the consent of both parents or a court order. 

In unmarried families this can result in the child having a different surname to their mother.  In blended families, the child can have a different name not only to their mother but also her partner/their step-father and their step- or half-siblings.  

There are a number of ways to address this:

1. If appropriate, all those with parental responsibility for the child can be invited to consent to a change of surname and a Change of Name Deed can be prepared.
2. The mother could retain the same surname as the child or use a hyphenated surname so as to retain the link with the child’s surname.
3. The child could be known informally by the new surname, although this can pose problems as the child’s legal name will remain unchanged.
4. An application can be made to the court for a Specific Issue Order for a change of name. This is not an easy application to make successfully, as the court will seek to preserve the link between a child and their biological father unless to do so would not be in the best interests of the child.

It is important not to forget that a new blended family does not diminish the child’s ties to both of their birth parents. In all but exceptional circumstances this link should be preserved for the benefit of the child.

Legal status of a step-parent

A new partner or step-parent within a blended family will not automatically have parental responsibility for a child. It would be necessary for them to secure parental responsibility by agreement with all those who currently hold parental responsibility or by pursuing an order from the court.

As such, many adults within blended families do not have formal parental responsibility for a child who lives with them. This has the potential to cause problems, for instance if they have to provide consent for the child to undergo emergency medical treatment.  

Exercise of Parental Responsibility by a new partner for their step-child

If parental responsibility is secured, the step-parent will share that parental responsibility with all other adults who hold parental responsibility for that child. All those adults should consult with one another about all important decisions within that child’s life, although when the child is in their care they may each exercise parental responsibility on a day-to-day basis independently of one another.

It can be difficult for parents to reach agreement on key issues in a child’s life once they have separated. It can be even harder for three or more adults to do so.  

Where it is not possible for agreement to be reached on an important decision in the child’s life, an application can be made to the court for a specific order to determine that issue.  

Managing relationships with ex-partners

This can often be difficult, particularly when one or both parents have entered a new relationship. Calm communication is key.

Modern blended families face many issues that traditional nuclear families do not. It is important to bear in mind that the couple who decided to have the child together in the first place ultimately have a duty to make sure that their decision to separate does not impact negatively upon the child.  

It is crucial to introduce new relationships to the child in a way that reassures him or her that this new relationship will in no way undermine their existing relationship with either of their parents.  

If a blended family is struggling, this can be very stressful for all concerned.  Not just the child themselves, but the parents, new partners, their other children and the wider family unit.

We have a team of specialist family lawyers who can help navigate the issues that all families face, including blended ones, and we can open up lots of options for you. For example, it can be extremely effective for a family to embark on child inclusive mediation. This is where a specially trained mediator can speak directly with the child or children and be their voice. They can feed the child’s thoughts and feelings back to the parents whilst they are in mediation themselves. Children who are old enough to have an opinion have a right to have a voice and this can be a really positive way of hearing them.

If you would like further information or require advice on anything mentioned above, please contact Mel Loxley on [email protected].